The Best Analgesic is Hope

Why We Hurt: The Natural History of Pain

Comments

Tic Douloureux
Robin Lenore Payne

5/29/2009 5:49:41 PM

 I have lived with excruiating pain for 16 years with not much mercy from the Medical Hospitals in the Chattanooga, Tennessee area. I suffer 24 7 with the intense toothache pain in two teeth, combined with extreme pain under the left side of my beautiful nose, with pain extending in a circle above my left eye then over my left ear. I bleed out my left ear from the beginning of April to the middle of May 2009. You know what the Intern said to me yesterday about this? "I do not see anything wrong with your eardrum so I guess whatever it was went away". I certainly hope so. She may have been correct, God knows I do not know either. Nothing shows up on MRIS or CTS...of course. Nights are the worst pain of all. It takes forever to go to sleep; I take Amitriptyline 150 mg a night for sleep & pain, and Zonegran 100mg 1-2 times a day for pain; and 3mg Melatonin for sleep. The Disability Judge & his hecklers had a game of sport with me in court. They probably laughed & jeered about me on the handball court; no telling what they said, but they denied my case. I've been at it for 16 years. My memory is ragged & my face & teeth hurt & are numb. I also get a sharp stab of pain on my shoulders & shoulder blades at times. I have a permanant grimace expression. Casey asked me at the college I attend ask me what is wrong..why am I making a face like that. I don't bother telling her. I forgot what I told her. Going to college works for somebody disabled who cannot get the hyenas to stop persecuting. Financial Aid & Student Loans & Set Your Own Hours. I lost my high-paying job a long time ago; no mercy there either. After I get to sleep in about two hours, I am unconscious for awhile. I do get a break then. The pain wakes me several times during a week on all the nights I sleep. One thing is for sure, and that is I am extremely tired. I wish I had a "Forrest Gump" that I could retreat to and sleep for a year without having to pay rent. I am in No Man's Land: there is no man who would live in this pain with me, nor would I ever invite one to do so. I am free to live with all this pain all the time, and I am not going to waste it. I lay in the bed with my head burning hot and I sway the pain back and forth to see if I can divert it into another area. I fantasize about inventing equipment to drain pain, quite extensively at times. I am going to change my last name from Payne to Shepherd or something, I do not know yet for sure. But one thing is for sure, on my tombstone, I am going to have inscribed, "Thank God It Is Over".